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Nothing But Net: Super Bowl Ads


Why do people watch the Super Bowl? Is it to see a gaggle of full-grown, sweaty, tights-clad men with more testosterone between them than a Jersey Shore-themed party run and jump on each other? Is it to be able to blame one day of gorging on Buffalo wings, guacamole and ribs on why your New Year’s Resolution isn’t going so well? Is it to feign a connection to other people under the veiled common ground of knowing how many points a touchdown is worth?

Who cares!

I watch the Super Bowl for two reasons—commercials and Janet Jackson’s nipple. This year I had to settle for a curiously painted set of drum cymbals, but I’ll take what I can get. Normally “NBN” follows the Big Game with a healthy helping of haikus, but some people think that idea is a little stale (*cough“Sonic Boom”cough*). So here’s a handful of the ones that stood out, not necessarily for good reasons.


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The Hooray We Got Bailout Money, Let’s Buy A Super Bowl Ad! Award

Dodge – “Man’s Last Stand”

I understand the plight of a man bending to the will of his woman. Seeing movies because she wants to, faking enjoyment while discussing McDreamy vs. McSteamy with her friends—I can’t tie this noose quick enough. But when the entire argument leads up to a Dodge Charger, man lost. A DODGE CHARGER? THAT’S WHAT I GET FOR ENDURING THREE-HOUR CONVERSATIONS ABOUT HOW SHE’S OFFENDED BECAUSE I FOLDED MY SOCKS BEFORE HERS? Hey, Chrysler: Next time you toss around ideas about how to spend $5.2 million, gimme a call—I have a this really cool device at home that shreds paper when you put stuff in it.

Proof Technology Is/Isn’t Replacing Emotion Award

Google – “Parisian Love”

E-mail replacing phone calls, texts replacing cards, wall posts/Tweets replacing “I Like You” notes—it can be argued technology is destroying any semblance of real-world interaction one transistor at a time. But Google my feet and call me a Hobbit (they have hair on them), because this commercial from those Skynet wannabes in Mountain View, Calif. offers a compelling reason why that’s not a bad thing. “Parisian Love” chronicles an entire relationship between an American guy and French girl, from his planning to study overseas to building a crib, and the entire thing is done through Google searches. Here is a spot that, even by focusing only on phrases and search results, in 60 seconds, makes you feel. People love to argue that the Internet is destroying meaningful social interaction, and this puts a serious dent in that claim.

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