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Nothing But Net: Super Bowl Ads

Best Reason Betty White Is The Next Megan Fox

Snickers – “You’re Not You When You’re Hungry”


You’re probably wondering why Megan Fox’s ad for Motorola isn’t on here. Simple—she had to use a thumb double for close-up shots. She’s not perfect anymore. Yuck. But Betty White? She has aged better than any wine I’ve ever tasted (full disclosure—I hate wine). I don’t know how much Mars had to pay her to say “That’s not what your girlfriend says,” but I think it’s a safe bet it was considerably less than $5.2 million ARE YOU LISTENING CHRYSLER?

The Rudy Zolteck Award for Best in Show

Kia – “Joyride Dream”

(A little backstory: Rudy Zolteck is the character who played center for the Giants in the 1994 cinematic masterpiece Little Giants. He spent the majority of the movie loafing around, being the stereotypical fat kid. At one point he even spins around and farts in the direction of the defensive line, a play that leads to his team winning. He’s big, unapologetic and sticks out—everything a Super Bowl ad should be.)

I remember when I was a little kid, my parents went away one weekend. I stayed with my older brother. One night he took his friend and me to the Hooters off the L.I.E in Islandia. It sucked. My brother is 20 years older than I am—what the hell do we have to talk about? I tried making a joke about a waitress not being interested in his friend; he informed me I had ketchup stained on my mouth. Great time.

I sat in the back of the car on the way home. I was wearing a beat up winter Rangers jacket. In the inside pocket I kept a bunch of toys—my O.J. Simpson pogs slammer, a tiny statue of a castle I got with tickets at Nathans—and I played with them. I got totally lost in my imagination.

Kia’s Super Bowl ad brings a child’s toys to life for a trip to the tattoo parlor, a mechanical bull ride, a night out in Vegas and more. It really resonates with me that I can vividly remember details about that night I had forgotten before. Advertising’s goal is to connect with viewers, and Kia did just that.

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NO HAIKUS?!?!?! I know, I was angry too. Fortunately, nobody reads

this part, so let’s squeeze one in here. It’ll be our secret:

The Super Bowl was
fun. I ate and drank a lot.
Now I hate myself.

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