Q: You’re often referred to as a pioneer…
JR: Yuck!
Q: Come on, the fans love you.
JR: Don’t kid yourself, it’s very rare. Usually, 40 like you, and 60 go, “Ugh!”
Q: When did you stop thinking of yourself as a pioneer?
JR: I never thought of myself as a pioneer. Of course I’m always the first to talk about everything! But don’t give me past tense here; that’s stupid. I’m still on stage saying much more than anyone else is saying. And again, there’s so many stupid rules in show business. But you’re gonna see my show, and have a great hour. And I can be home in bed in time for Saturday Night Live!
Q: How about the queen of comedy?
JR: If you want to call it that. My manager says, “relevant!”
Q: Do you ever use any material that’s not yours?
JR: People send me jokes and if they’re good, I’ll buy them for 20 dollars a joke. But I never have meetings with writers, and tell them to come up with stuff for me.
Q: You’ve said some really way out stuff about Michael Jackson. Why?
JR: Well, the whole world went into mourning and I went, “He was a druggie and a pedophile.” And I’m like, “Can’t we talk about this? Everyone calm down. This is stupid. He was very talented, but would you let your grandson stay over with him? No, so shut up.”
Q: How do you know he was a pedophile?
JR: He was a pedophile. I saw the checks. We have the same manager. And I saw the 35 million dollar check to the guy. Maybe he didn’t penetrate, but I saw a boy get a 35 million dollar check. You don’t get a 35 million dollar check for nothing. And you know something, if it’s your son and you want to leave him with Michael and have a good time, do it. You know what I’m saying? Do it.
Q: What about gay marriage?
JR: Why, are you that stupid? It means gay divorce!
Q: Why are Jews funny?
JR: Ha! Look at us! Have you seen my relatives? You better laugh! But I don’t know, look at the great comics—they’re not Jews: Chris Rock, Robin Williams, George Carlin. But Jewish humor is hilarious, and it’s easy to be funny when you’re Jewish.
Q: What means more to you, being in show business or being a mom?
JR: The truth? Fifty-fifty. Melissa is so smart, she nailed it. She said, “Your career, it’s another child.”
Q: You’re being really candid here.
JR: Well if I had to choose between the two, of course it’s Melissa. There’s nothing to discuss. But my career is my life, and my daughter is on her own and she’s fine, and my grandson is fine. And thank you God, for all of this. But what sustains me every day? I get up in the morning, and all these people are listening to me. Life is such an adventure, oh god, and do a little of this and a little of that, it’s all good. And doing the red carpet, and the fashion police—dilettantism is fabulous!
Q: Who ticks you off these days?
JR: Everybody!
Q: How about Sex and the City hitting the theaters; are you a fan?
JR: I love Sex and the City on television; they’re always so good. Other shows, some are so bad. And I go, “Friend, stop there.” But I think those girls have to be careful, or soon it’s going to be Sag and the City! Oops, there go four more friends! I’m just going to have no friends…
Q: How important to you is your legacy?
JR: You know something? Vincent van Gogh couldn’t afford a potato. And now his paintings are going for what? A hundred million dollars. I don’t care. A star on the Walk of Fame; you have to clean off the dog doo.
PUBLICIST: That’s all we have time for.
JR: Aw, c’mon…
Q: Do you have any regrets?
JR: About anything I’ve just said?
Q: Uh, no. Just in life.
JR: I only have regrets about who I didn’t sleep with—that would be Robert Mitchum, Robert Ryan…I could give you a whole list of guys who tried it with me! And I was married. But I look back and go “Fuck, I shoulda done that!” And I didn’t.
Q: Are you happy?
JR: I know I’m happy, because I’ve been through lousy, shitty times.
Q: So what’s next for you? Saturday Night Live?
JR: Sure. Let’s start that rumor!