Legion 2 stars
(Screen Gems, Rated R)
Move over Book Of Eli. A messenger of the Almighty is coming to announce the end of days on Earth in a theater near you and guess what, he’s British and possibly an obstetrician and packing crates full of Uzis. All of which makes this supernatural thriller quite a blast as a dark comedy, but as horror, not so much.
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Part theological terrorism and part revenge of the rednecks, Legion finds rebel angel Michael (Paul Bettany doing Darwin and a Dirty Harry assistant deity simultaneously at ‘plexes across the nation right now) descending into LA just before Christmas Day, covered in tattoos and on a mission to save humankind from God’s wrath. Well actually, one human—a California desert waitress (Adrianne Palicki) who is about to give birth to somebody or other’s love child at a truckstop called Paradise Falls, where it’s not uncommon to serve bloody steak with flies. And if you have no idea where this movie is going by now, then bets are on that you never heard of Santa Claus either.
Paul Bettany in Legion.
Meanwhile, possessed motorists with potty mouths keep turning up for a little home invasion, walking on ceilings and biting people when not causing the one-armed cook (Charles S. Dutton) to scream for his Bible. And it’s all because God has become fed up with the wicked ways of humans and is issuing vacate orders for everybody on the planet. But running interference is defector angel Michael, who’s more of a give-them-a-second-chance kinda guy, while holed up with assorted panicked humans, including grouchy diner boss Bob (Dennis Quaid).
More often than not, sensitive male thespian Bettany isn’t half bad at getting in touch with his macho side in this “if you can’t join ‘em, beat ‘em” born again bad guys doomsday thriller. And while fairly adamant as a parental rights advocate, he’s able to turn it on when facing down what seems like an entire population of pro-abortion busybodies in his midst.
Legion is packed with spooky surreal ambiance, courtesy of visual effects maven turned director Scott Stewart (Iron Man, You Don’t Mess With The Zohan), who maybe should have stayed that way. Through faith based spiritual shoot ‘em ups of biblical proportions with god guns and angel wings as weapons of mass destruction, inducing at timesotherworldly wardrobe malfunctions, the film borders on silly beyond secular belief screen sermon madness.
