What’s Your Poison?

One of the Vuvs coined the phrase “I hate him like poison,” and it stuck. It’s “Vuv Vocab” used to describe a phase when the sight of your spouse’s face makes you want to run for the hills, the sound of his breath annoys you and his voice is like sharp nails on a chalkboard.

Used universally and shortened to “Poison,” the one word speaks volumes.

“How was your weekend?” one Vuv asks another.

“Poison,” she responds, and that’s all we need. The other Vuv now understands that whatever the phrase-user did that weekend was tainted by the fact that something is amiss with the hubby. He is “Poison.”

It’s a perfect word really, because it simply “sums it up.” The word has connotations of “yuk!” and “ouch!” and “I feel like barfing!” all of which describe the feelings we experience when our man is “Poison.” Also, no one walks around thinking about or expending energy hating poison, but when confronted with touching, drinking or inhaling it, who likes poison? So, it works. There is no confusion. Poison sucks and we would much rather not be in a poison phase.

“Want to talk about it?” says one Vuv to the other.

“No,” she responds.

“No,” is always the initial response because none of us really wants the other Vuvs to know why our husband is poison. We secretly fear that it bears the same risk as telling our parents something terrible about our spouse. It’s that fear that we will make up with the poisonous ass and forgive and forget and they will forever think he is a big whopping jerk, so we always resist telling on the “first ask.”

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk about it?” A caring Vuv always does the “second ask.”

The answer doesn’t matter. What follows will, in any case, be a conversation that is intended to help exit the poison phase.

PAUSE for husband infomercial: In case there are any Vuv husbands reading this piece, let me be clear. We know we don’t own this feeling. We are completely aware of the fact that “poison” goes both ways and, bythe way, “poison” is taken and you best come up with your own word. That being said, read ahead for enlightenment.

Are we husband bashing? Revealing intimate secrets? Breaking the “husband/wife bond?”

No, we’re validating each others existence and feelings, licking wounds, talking each other off the ledge, agreeing, disagreeing, providing different perspective, encouragement and sometimes, just listening. Often, we can share that we have experienced the same thing and that can be comforting. Often we can describe how we moved on from the poison phase and that can be enlightening or just helpful. Other times, we can just make a date to go out and get “liquored up” over the issue and that can be just plain fun.

On some occasions, we sound like we are enrolled in the “Female Manhaters Club” and others, and this may surprise you, we can see that you may have a point. When that is the case, we delicately tread where women should not go and find a brilliantly tactful way to cause a Vuv to see the “other side.” It’s true, so true that we dream of a day when our husbands and their brethren will share their feelings and we trust, somewhere deep within us, that if they did, their BFF’s would, every once in a blue moon, show them the light as well.

May we all find our antidote and live poison-free!