By Nicole Rojas
September is just around the corner, and incoming college freshmen around the nation are anxious about the much-anticipated dorm move in, and more importantly, meeting their first college roommates. To these students, I give one major piece of advice, just one: Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT assume you’ll be friends with your roommate. This is, perhaps, the biggest mistake people make when starting college and moving into their dorms.
I’m not going to lie—living with my first college roommate was far from easy. The only other person I had “roomed” with before was my little sister, and living with a complete stranger both scared and excited me. Although our first roommate escapade—a shopping trip in NYC before starting school—went very well, after a couple of days living together we knew that we just didn’t click. We waged a silent war the second week of living together, and didn’t resolve our issues until after second semester rolled around. Despite it all, I had hope that we would forget the past and become the best college roommates ever.
Like many college roommates, my roommate and I came from very different backgrounds and had very different personalities. I was raised in the good ol’ suburbs of Long Island, in a Spanish-speaking household, where I went to local Catholic schools and had known most of my friends since early childhood. I grew up extremely close to my friends, and even closer to my family members. My roommate was vastly independent, growing up in a Chinese-Cambodian family on the fast-paced streets of Manhattan. As could be assumed, we had issues.
We tried pretty much everything when we had our problems, from ignoring the issue altogether (which I do not advise you do) to having a private session with our Resident Advisor (a must do). Most schools have designated people with whom students can talk to and work out their roommate issues. When talking to a peer RA and your school’s professional counseling doesn’t work out, then it might be time to consider swapping rooms. But do this only as a last resort.
“Try to be accepting and understanding of different lifestyles,” says Adelphi University’s Assistant Director of Residence Life and Housing Guy Seneque. Seneque also advises to “talk to your roommate about how you feel. Communication is the best means of finding a solution. Problems will not magically disappear!”
Dr. Laura Valente, the Dean for Residential Education at Stony Brook University, concurs with Seneque, saying, “When roommates keep the communication lines open, they tend to work out.”And I agree. As the year went on, the issues between me and my roommate were building up, until one day they just exploded in our faces.
Although it took us some time, my roommate and I did finally sit down and talk things through. We figured that even with our differences, we could learn to get along. We both accepted that we had different expectations from each other and we just had to work together. While we patched up our own relationship, we also met new people outside our little world and made new friends. Surprisingly enough, we came out OK by the end of the year. Unlike many of our floor mates who were just beginning to talk out their problems, we solved our issues early enough that we were able to end the year on a happy note.
But you can benefit from our mistakes. Learn not assume the best with your new roommate (don’t assume the worst either!). Talk things out—no one should keep things bottled up inside—chances are the things that bother you might just bother your roommate too. Get out of your room! No one wants to come back to a room that is always occupied by their roommate; it’ll make them feel uncomfortable. Plus, it’s nice to meet new people and make friends who are actually interested in the things you are interested in. Also, accept others just the way they are. Don’t expect to be able to change people to your liking. And most importantly, enjoy your college dorming experience. Chances are you will have to room with other people for the rest of your life, and dorming can prepare you for what’s to come.
