Articles Tagged ‘Hot Topic’
I showed a lady friend these pictures of nature’s fiercest inhabitants as babies and she responded that she would rather raise baby animals than baby children. This is a great idea. Our country is already overpopulated with ungrateful, incompetent, overweight kids. What’s that Billy? Your crush doesn’t want to go to the middle school dance with you? It’s because you weigh 200 pounds and ride a Segway to class.
Pancakes are not my favorite breakfast food. Not even top three—that’s comprised of eggs, french toast and Jell-o shots. “But Brad, eggs are so boring and high in cholesterol! How can they beat out pancakes?” you say. First of all, shut up. This is my column, and I only get a half page, plus images, plus the awesome “NBN” logo.
The perks of being a journalist are few and far between—the closest I’ll ever get to my dream Aston Martin is the other side of a velvet rope during the press day of the NY Auto Show. But one plus is that people assume you’re an absolute monster of the English language. I can make up words and people are afraid to call my bluff. Vulexinard? It means soft-spoken—don’t tell me you didn’t know that. Also, did you know I won every spelling bee in middle school? I didn’t, but question it and I’ll spell onomatopoeia so fast you’ll forget what nouns are.