Articles Tagged ‘Digital Short’
Two thousand and nine was a banner year for the Internet, if that banner is covered in ads for car insurance and home mortgage refinancing, “Team Jacob” and “Team Edward” stickers and shitstains from the Twitter bird. What better way to remember the ups and downs and spam e-mails trying to enlarge my penis that my dad forwards me than with the First Annual NBNnnys? I’d like to thank all those who helped me narrow down the hundreds of NBN features to these winners: my Ouija board, a bottle of Percocet and my magic 8-ball.
Saying superheroes are awesome is like saying Paris Hilton is a mindless bimbo—no need to beat around the bush. But I find it hard to believe that living with a superpower is always great. How does anybody understand Bruce Wayne when he’s ordering food at a restaurant? You mean to tell me Peter Parker didn’t once shoot webbing out when he was at a rock concert or trying on a suit? It’s not easy to live with premature web shooting, let me tell you.
I took karate at one of the most renowned martial arts schools in the world—Tiger Schulmann’s. And I’m not trying to brag, but I was an animal. One time, I did 62 roundhouse kicks in a row. The record was like 7,000 but mine were perfect form. OK, ever heard of the purple belt? It’s even harder to get than a black belt and guess who had one (my mom bought it for me). So take my word as even more truth than usual when I tell you Tony Jaa (as in, “Holy s***, that guy just ran up an elephant’s tusk and backflipped off its face—JAAAAAAAA!”) is out of his judo-chopping mind.