Growing up with friends is so much a part of typical development. There are hundreds of books written about the importance of making friends and maintaining lifelong friendships. When we look back at our childhoods, we remember the names of peers as well as the social lessons learned in school, in camp and on the playground. Some of us have been able to hold on to these early childhood relationships, and as adults often seek out childhood peers on the Internet by means of social networking. Our early lives were filled with other young people some of whom were very different from us. Our lives were enriched by the diverse interactions that we experienced in various social settings. But what if making friends was very difficult? What if you didn’t have any friends growing up? What if no one wanted to play with you? Clearly, your life would have been very different and you would have been very lonely as a child.
For parents of children with disabilities, this becomes an ongoing and endless agony. To observe your child in a playground standing on the edge and/or being pushed aside is so painful and distressing that parents have commented that they “feel sick.” As a parent of a child with a disability, how could you not be angry and/or frustrated? There are few opportunities for children with disabilities to make friends either with each other or with typical peers without an organized program. How often are children with disabilities invited to birthday parties, play dates and/or sleepovers? In order for these experiences to occur, parents of children with disabilities must initiate these relationships for their children with parents of typical children who are willing to make these connections. If parents do not reach out to one another, then children with disabilities often remain alone at home after school.
For parents of preschool children with disabilities, perhaps the best place to start is in preschool and/or nursery school. The classroom preschool teacher could be very helpful in introducing parents to one another to set up after school or weekend play experiences. For parents of school age children with disabilities, there should be a discussion between members of the Special Education Parent Teachers Association (SEPTA) and the regular Parent Teachers Association (PTA). The development of an after school program which is recreation oriented would certainly go a long way to facilitate relationships between children with and without disabilities. Children with disabilities should have the opportunity to socially interact with typical peers as well as other children with disabilities in organized programs. Typical children would learn a great deal about children with disabilities by initiating interactions with peers who may be “behaving differently.” Typical children have often commented that they are uncomfortable when they see children exhibiting what appears to be “unusual and/or tantrumous” behaviors. However, when they develop relationships with children who have disabilities, those behaviors are less disconcerting given all of the other positive social interactions. Siblings of children with disabilities have learned this lesson which shows it can work.
So, as a parent of a typical child, think about the three or four-year-old who is standing alone on the sidelines. Think about approaching his mother to ask about initiating a play experience between the children. This is not just an act of kindness, it will ultimately be a gift to your child who will develop a greater understanding about and a social sensitivity towards others.