The Situation, the Iago of the Jersey Shore house, was born on the Fourth of July and is a Cancer, ruled by the fickle moon and symbolized by the moody crab.

Cancers are known for their jealous tendencies.

Born in Staten Island, Mike is a former underwear model known for causing drama and flashing his abs.

Sorrentino made $5 million in 2010, the second highest income in reality TV after Kim Kardashian, partly due to his vodka and tuxedo lines, but mostly due to his diminished mental capacity from excessive alcohol—and slamming his own head into a concrete wall.

Now that’s a situation.