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Will John Edwards And ‘Jumbo’ Share A Cell?

Somewhere in the Federal Prison System there is a 320-lb. prisoner named “Jumbo” who is paying close attention to a trial that is going on in Greensboro, N.C.

The defendant in this trial is very handsome, and Jumbo hopes he is convicted and lands in his cell.

The defendant once wanted to be our nation’s president, but Jumbo wishes to make him his “First Lady.”


Yes, Jumbo plans to do to the defendant what the defendant was planning to do to the United States of America after he became president.

The defendant, John Edwards, is facing 30 years in jail. His slimy former top aide, Andrew Young, is the government’s lead witness in the Edwards campaign finance trial.

Young says Edwards asked him to use nearly $1 million from donors (including dopey heiress Rachel “Bunny” Mellon, who felt that Edwards was going to be the country’s “savior”) to pay off and keep his pregnant mistress Rielle Hunter out of the public eye during the campaign.

Four years ago nearly one-third of this country felt John Edwards should be our next president. My question is: Why didn’t the media expose John Edwards before he tripped himself up?

John Edwards has always been a punk and a bloodsucking leech. He was an ambulance-chasing lawyer who hit it big getting his Southern hick clients to sue large corporations, hospitals and innocent doctors for damages—some real, some imagined.

Edwards got goober juries from his home state to award hundreds of millions of dollars in damages and he took his cut and became a rich man. Between insurance companies and the hundreds of millions that he and his greedy band of trial lawyers sucked out of doctors, hospitals and pharmaceutical companies, the world’s greatest medical system has been crippled.

There’s a reason why the same Democratic Party that opposes “tort reform” that could put an end to lawyers’ crippling the medical profession with frivolous lawsuits cannot convince the American public that “Obamacare” will lead to better healthcare for you and me.

The real damage has yet to come. It will come in the way of good, dedicated doctors who have changed careers for fear of being financially destroyed, medicines that won’t be discovered, diseases that won’t be eradicated…and Edwards did it all for the almighty dollar.

Edwards is still rich and is still movie-star handsome, but at his trial his insides are showing on his face and that gives him the slick look of a hustler.

Once, when he was running for president, Edwards got caught by the media paying $400 for a haircut. But all the $400 haircuts in the world could not erase that smarmy, oily style and that “Howdy Doody” smile that he couldn’t seem to wipe off his face.

He thought that someday he was going to be president and it all went into the dumper the minute he got caught having an affair with a woman who looks like the winner of the Camilla Parker Bowles look-a-like contest.

It’s sort of poetic justice that Edwards’ girlfriend looks as homely as the real Camilla Parker Bowles, the wife of Prince Charles; after all, Edwards always considered himself to be a prince.

Yes, some married people have affairs. But there’s always a special place reserved in hell for a man like John Edwards, who had an affair while his late wife was counting her last days on Earth—in this case, the victim of an incurable cancer.

Sadly, Edwards is not alone. Washington is full of guys with zipper problems as well as scum of every political persuasion. No one will ever forget how Newt Gringrich’s first marriage ended after he discussed the details of the divorce he was looking for from his wife while she was in a hospital still woozy from cancer surgery.

John Edwards, and his control of delegates in the South, is still considered by many of Hillary Clinton’s followers the reason she lost the 2008 Democratic nomination to Barack Obama.

Indeed, until he was exposed, John Edwards was being counted on by Obama to deliver some Southern states in the election and he was on Obama’s short list to be vice president.

Aren’t we lucky to have dumb but honest Joe Biden as our vice president? Bet that is something you never thought you would read here.

In the end John Edwards turned out to be a loser as a politician. He was always a loser as a human being.

I’m rooting for Jumbo on this one.

More articles filed under Columns,Jerry's Ink

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