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Jerry’s Ink: The Candidate


He’s a brilliant campaigner.

There’s no one who comes close to him when it comes to giving a spellbinding political speech.

He takes the stage, stands at attention and waits until there is complete silence before he starts his speech. For the first few minutes he appears nervous and speaks haltingly. Slowly he begins to relax and his style of delivery changes. He starts to rock from side to side and begins to gesticulate with his hands. His incredible voice gets louder and becomes more passionate. At times his voice cracks with emotion.


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He found out early in the game that in order to be elected one must appear to stand for everything. If they’re young, he promises them free education. If they’re old, he promise them free medication. If they’re feeling put upon, he promises them instant vindication. Bottom line is if it ends in “ion” he promises it to someone.

To appeal to the working class his programs include several measures that would redistribute income and profit-sharing in large industries. He talks of senior citizen pensions and free education.

He has written a “White Paper” to reassure his wealthy followers that he is a supporter of private enterprise and is opposed to any real transformation of economic and social structure.

What he says while campaigning depends very much on the audience. In rural areas he promises tax cuts for farmers and government action to protect food prices. In working-class areas he speaks of redistribution of wealth and attacks the high profits made by the large chain stores.

He promises he will solve the downturn that the country is experiencing and says he will solve the serious problem of unemployment.

The Times has said of him, “His proposals are sincere and well considered.” He avoids explaining how he would improve the country’s economy.

So dear readers, who is he? Can you guess name of the politician I just described?

Wait a minute, did you actually think I meant … Oh no, not him. Shame on you.

How could you think I would be so devious. I’m shocked, shocked that some of you would think of … of … I won’t even say his name.

Actually, the politician I described above was Adolph Hitler, who had a birthday last week. Let us pray that the birthday boy is burning in hell.

The election campaign I described is not taking place in 2012, but took place in 1933.

The newspaper that thought Hitler was sincere is not The New York Times but The London Times. A few years later they were dodging his bombs. Guess who called him “a man who can be relied upon”? Neville Chamberlain, who was, at the time, the Jimmy Carter of English politics.

Why the exercise? I was interested in trying to figure out how any country could elect a beast like Hitler and, as it turns out, according to the Spartacus Educational site, Hitler took the same route to get elected as every other Presidential politician in the history of the world.

They get elected by lying to people. They get re-elected by telling new lies to the same people they lied to, to get elected the first time.

I took the Spartacus Educational site’s write-up on Hitler’s rise to power and just made a few changes from past tense to present tense to make it appear to be about a present-day politician. Now, we’re all too smart to ever let another Hitler into our lives, aren’t we? Aren’t we?

I’m not saying they come even close and they are not monsters (but they would be disastrous Presidents), and yet many Republicans did consider Newt Gingrich and Rick Santorum to be Presidential material.

And lest we forget, the slimiest person of them all, the loathsome John Edwards, whom a lot of Democrats wanted to become our President in 2008, is on trial now for stealing campaign funds.

Funds provided by heiress Bunny Mellon, who was convinced Edwards was the “savior of our country.”

Edwards, who was on Barack Obama’s short list to be his Vice President before he got nailed for paying off the mother of his love child (don’t you just love the term “love child”?), is credited by many with siphoning off enough votes in the early primaries from Hillary Clinton to help Obama win the nomination.

When he was running, Edwards stated that his main goals (ho hum) were eliminating poverty, fighting global warming, providing universal health care and withdrawing troops from Iraq.

Nothing ever changes.

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