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New Year’s Resolutions: A New Year’s Resolution You Can Keep In 2011


2010 is coming to a close, and fewer than 10 percent of people keep their resolutions, so why set you up for failure?

How about forgoing the ill-fated resolution this year, and trying something different.


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After all, resolution isn’t something you make, it’s something you have. And here are some ways to sharpen yours in 2010.

BE CONFIDENT

“When I wake up in the morning, I feel just like any other insecure 24-year-old girl. Then I say, ‘Bitch, you’re Lady Gaga, you get up and walk the walk today.’” – Lady Gaga to Rolling Stone

RETHINK YOUR PRIORITIES

“When I first heard about the campaign to get me to host Saturday Night Live, I didn’t know what Facebook was. And now that I do know what it is, I have to say it sounds like a huge waste of time.” – Betty White on SNL

LEARN FROM THE PAST

“If my sons told me they wanted to be in the entertainment business, I’d lock them in their rooms until they turned 30.” – Britney Spears to Cosmopolitan

LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE

“I had a show. Then I had a different show. Now I have a Twitter account.” – Conan O’Brien‘s bio on Twitter after Jay Leno got his show back

BE HONEST…

“That girl is like crack cocaine to me…Sexually it was crazy. That’s all I’ll say. It was like napalm, sexual napalm.” –John Mayer to Playboy

…BUT REMEMBER THE CONSEQUENCES

“He’ll never have this napalm again.” – Jessica Simpson on The View

BE SMART

“If geek means you’re willing to study things, and if you think science and engineering matter, I plead guilty. If your culture doesn’t like geeks, you are in real trouble.” - Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft.

STAND YOUR GROUND

“We don’t want to hear another apology.” – Margaret Kennedy, of Minister and Clergy Sexual Abuse Survivors group, on Pope Benedict‘s visit to Britain.

LOVE YOURSELF

“Generally for me, slimness comes with a little bit of upset or stress. I’d rather be fat and happy, to be honest.” - Charlotte Church, singer

“Your face tells a story – and it shouldn’t be a story about your drive to the doctor’s office.” – Julia Roberts on Botox.

DON’T UNDERESTIMATE THE INTELLIGENCE OF OTHERS

“I thought it was gum.” – Paris Hilton, denying a packet of cocaine was hers, to police

“It wasn’t painful, not even a little bit.” -Gisele Bundchen on giving birth

BE SPONTANEOUS

“We’re going to Australia!” – Oprah Winfrey giving her entire audience a free trip down under

KNOW WHEN TO BACK OFF

“I felt I needed to reach out to you and tell you how deeply sorry I am for everything that you’ve been through…And I know nothing I can say in this letter is going to make the pain of my actions go away… I am sorry for any hurt or pain that I have caused you.  My actions of engaging with a married man are unforgivable.  I never meant you any harm…I compromised my beliefs on several occasions and as a result will never forgive myself…Please contact me if you wish to discuss on the phone or in person.” — a letter that Melissa Smith, Jesse James mistress #2, faxed to Sandra Bullock

WHEN HANDED LEMONS, MAKE LEMONADE

“I was wearing a C cup by the time I was 11. I would go to bed and pray, ‘Please, Lord, don’t let my boobs grow any bigger. I hated what was happening.” —Kim Kardashian on her now famous body

SEEK ANSWERS

“When are we going to see your forehead?” – Chelsea Handler to Justin Bieber on his hair

KNOW WHEN TO QUIT

“To the passenger who called me a motherfucker, fuck you. I’ve been in this business for years and that’s it I’ve had it.” -Jet Blue flight attendant Steven Slater, before grabbing two bottles of beer and sliding down the emergency chute after a fight with a passenger.

QUESTION AUTHORITY

“Immediately … suspend and discontinue any investigation, or discharge, separation, or other proceeding, that may have been commenced under ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.’” -Judge Virginia Phillips issuing a worldwide injunction against Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy

…BUT DON’T BE STUPID

“Are you serious?” – Lindsay Lohan, to attorney Shawn Chapman Holley, after a judge sentenced her to 90 days in jail for violating her probation for a 2007 drunk driving charge.

STAY POSITIVE

“This is a world of hypocrisy and false values, a world that needs love but does not know how to find it. The people who use the word love are all phonies, starting with that jerk, Bono.” – Words allegedly written by late J.D. Salinger in correspondence with Spectator columnist, Taki

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY

It’s time for me to talk about the past and to confirm what people have suspected.” - Mark McGwire admitting he used steroids in 1998, the year he broke the single-season Major League Baseball home-run record.

AND REMEMBER…

2008… “Chuck, stand up, let the people see you” -Joe Biden to Sen. Chuck Graham of Columbia, who is wheelchair bound.

2009… “An hour late, oh give me a f**king break” -Joe Biden to a former Senate colleague not realizing his close proximity to a live microphone.
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2010… “This is a big fucking deal”  -Joe Biden to Barack Obama, and the entire world, at signing into law of the historic US healthcare program, not realizing his mic was on.
…EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES.

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