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Real Housewives: Quotes From The Real Housewives

The Real Housewives women (and men) have proven to be a treasure trove of life lessons and unforgettable quotes. From the series that brought you the lovably redundant “Prostitution whore!” here are some of our favorite quotes from The Real Housewives franchise.

New Jersey

“She certainly didn’t look like she just pushed out a watermelon out of her chuckarella.”–Dina Manzo, on caste mate Teresa Giudice’s post-baby figure


“She can go scratch my ass.”–Kim G., proving once again she’s the classiest of the bunch.

“Kim G. She’s not … who I think she was.”–Danielle Staub, on former BFF Kim G. Who did she think she thought she was?

“Look! Her first pair of Gucci shoes!” –Teresa, who recently filed for bankruptcy, implying that there are many more Gucci shoes to come in her infant daughter’s future.

“I’m like King Kong. I might just start going crazy.”–Teresa’s husband, Joe Giudice. Always so self-aware.

“I believe the really only safe way to have sex is abstinence.”–Danielle Staub, star of several sex tapes.

“Let me tell you something about my family. We’re as thick as thieves and we protect each other ’til the end.”–Manzo matriarch Caroline, doing her best Carmela Soprano impersonation.

“I just want to smell her. I want to smell my mom.”–Danielle Staub. Enough said.

New York

“You are in high school and I am in Brooklyn.”–Alex McCord, calling out Jill Zarin for her mean girl ways, with an added geography lesson.

“Why do we have to be all flowers and lollipops. Why can’t it be like fighting but we are actually learning. That’s called back-door education.”–Kelly Bensimon. Enough said.

“Holy inappropriateness!”–Bethenny Frankel’s reaction to receiving lingerie from her father’s good friend.

“Everybody knows my name so that’s a huge honor and I am really grateful to Bravo for exposing me and exploiting my name like that.”–Kelly Bensimon, again.

“More like Count-less.”–Ramona Singer’s husband Mario, on Countess LuAnn de Lessepp’s recent divorce.

“So then speaking with GMHC about safe sex and also just about bullying, I learned so much about how alternative lifestyles get bullied so much and I was really disturbed by that to be honest with you because I have been a model for a long time and I have had so much respect for people that have alternative lifestyles.”–Kelly Bensimon. See above.


“Close your legs to married men.”–Nene Leakes, imparting one of life’s best lessons to Kim Zolciak.

“I remember sitting at Chile’s waiting for the test results.”–Kim Zolciak describing the scene as she nervously awaited to find out if she had cancer. She didn’t.

“I’m not a woman. Never wanted to be a woman. I love my toolbox.”–Honorable housewife and part-time cross-dresser Dwight Eubanks, showing some self-manlove.

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