So at first we decided to forgo the office Christmas tree. We got out our string of LED lights, wrapped them around the head of our beloved mascot, Pressley the Panda, and called it a day. But a synthetic panda head doesn’t smell like pine. So, we came up with a better idea—a real, sustainably grown tree with recycled ornaments. Our choice? The dozens of cardboard cozies we’ve been hoarding from our Massapequa Perk coffee addiction. But hey, not everyone downs gallons of organic Ethiopian coffee per day and saves their trash to a degree worthy of a reality show on the A&E channel. So for the rest of you, here are some alternatives.
These ornaments from G. Jarvis Jewelry are made from recycled bottle caps, plastic jar caps, doll pieces, and are not at all creepy. A dismembered Ken arm and Barbie arm embrace, while their decapitated heads lie cheek to cheek over a sign that reads ‘eternity.’ We dare you to think of a better way to say I love you.
German designer Kuehn Keramik‘s line of unorthodox ornaments are great for those people Hallmark doesn’t quite make the right ornament for. These badass Christmas balls feature guns, eyeballs and everything else that says ‘Merry Christmas’ when you just can’t seem to find the words.
Mount Everest has claimed the lives of hundreds of climbers, some whose bodies remain frozen among its trails. Conditions are so difficult at high altitudes that most expeditions use oxygen tanks to keep them breathing and thinking clearly. The tanks left behind are picked up by artist Jeff Clapp, who turns them into bells and bowls that sell for up to $3,500. But for $15 you can buy a one-of-a-kind Everest Ornament made from the tinsel-like scraps of these tanks, while helping to clean up the top of the world.
Spandex can be dangerous. It can be even more dangerous when worn bike riding through 55 mph traffic on the Long Island Expressway. So, if you’re one of the people who weave in and out of traffic on the LIE in Syosset while using hand signals and pedaling as fast as you can, please stop. But we digress. Using old bike chains destined for landfills, or maybe those from bikes crushed by cement trucks on major thoroughfares, artisans craft unique stars like these and these.
Painted from an asylum room three years before his death, Van Gogh’s “The Starry Night” is one of the most recognizable paintings in the world. Now it can be the most recognizable painting on your Christmas tree. More of a Cezanne or Degas fan? No worries. Check out the full line of art replica ball and molded ornaments here.
For the person who can’t go to the bathroom without tweeting about it, we present you with the personalized Twitter ball. Have your username immortalized in Christmas cheer and maybe @SantaClaus will forgive all your naughty indiscretions.
These vintage ornaments are made using recycled tin can lids and high-quality images printed with waterproof inks. Each image is then sealed several times to keep them looking fabulous for years.
LAST YEARS TREES
Cut and upcycled from last years Christmas Trees, these nature-inspired ornaments have a tree wood-burned into the disc, come in sets of three, can double as gift tags and even smell like the forest.
FRA-GEE-LAY…THAT MUST BE ITALIAN!
“Only one thing in the world could’ve dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.”
If this quote means anything to you, then this ornament requires no explanation. If it doesn’t, none will do.
This replica A Christmas Story Leg Lamp ornament stands in all its glory, more than five inches tall and is, of course, a major award.